The Ultimate Rejection Letter

December 20, 2006 at 1:26 pm · Filed under Aside, Teaching

A friend sent me the following letter (I’ve modified the names and such):

Sari B. No
Chair – Search Committee
123A Lofty Tower, Selective University
College Hill, CA 94109

Dear Professor No,

Thank you for your letter of December 16. After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me
an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field
of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Selective’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in
rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at
this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor
in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
Will Knott

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